It's been two days since we received our bad news. I cry a lot, on and off. I've not been sleeping much. I think this is all to be expected and is pretty normal. The main problem is that my mind is too busy to sleep but I'm too tired to get any cleaning or anything like that done. Rick is being kind, loving, and supportive. He's been taking Tyler off my hands so I can try to rest and so forth. Thank you, Rick. I have a ton of support around me and for that I am THANKFUL. I have explained what will be happening over the next few/several months to some people but I'll do explain it here:
There are a few different scenarios for baby Kevin. I am praying for a miracle. God has the ability to cure all of the things that are wrong with my unborn baby. Only God knows if he is going to give us a miracle. I do not expect a miracle but it would be such a blessing.
If we do not receive our miracle then baby Kevin will pass away. Some people that have Trisomy 13 have survived and there are even a few that grew up to be adults. I am not banking on this because these survivors have so many physical and mental issues. I am almost at week 19 of my pregnancy. If Kevin passes within the next few weeks the doctor will be able to perform a D and C type procedure. This would probably be the least physically painful for me. If Kevin passes after week 21 or 22, I will be induced and will have to give birth to a stillborn Kevin. If this is the case, my prayer is that he will be big enough to hold. Trisomy 13 babies are small. For example, he is currently measuring about 10-14 days behind what he should be.
The pregnancy could continue to full term. One of two things will happen. 1. The physical demands of labor may likely cause Kevin to pass. 2. If he doesn't die then, it will probably be within the first few days. My genetic counselor said Trisomy 13 babies rarely last past the first month.
Part of me hopes for a miscarriage as soon as possible.
Part of my wants him to go full-term so that I can hold him, love on him, take photos with all of us, and just spend some PRECIOUS time with him. Of course this will be terrible heart wrenching on me and Rick.
I have been praying for God's will to be done. I have begged him for a miracle. I am not upset or angry with God. If God takes baby Kevin I will take comfort in knowing they are together and that I will get to be with Kevin (and my 3 other miscarried babies)in Heaven when I pass away. Me, Rick, Tyler, Kevin, and the 3 miscarried babies will all be together! That's awesome.
This situation is sort of in limbo...it's like we're painfully waiting for Kevin to die. I talk to him a lot. I tell him I love him about a 100 times a day and I rub my tummy a lot.I'm thankful he's in my tummy and that he is a part of my body.
Once he does pass, things are going to get a lot worse before they get better but at least I've been given the gift of knowing what the fate was. I mean, some moms' babies die from defects that no one detected through Ultrasound or Quad Screening. What a shock that would be!
If you feel comfortable in doing so please pray for a miracle for baby Kevin. Thank you.
8 years ago
6 comments:
I'm saying a prayer for your precious Kevin. I am so sorry Jen. Tears are streaming down my face as I can not even imagine being faced with your circumstance. It just breaks my heart. Your trust in God is awesome. He will be there to guide you on this unknown path. Take care of yourself and know that you and your family are in my prayers. ((Hugs))
I am absolutely praying for Jen! Our God is indeed an awesome God. I truely don't understand why such terrible things happen to good people, to innocent children. I can not even begin to compare our situations or pain...I just wanted you to know I am here if you need. From tragedy we have also found great joy-- in the unexpected...in seeing the beauty and goodness of humanity -- in loving deeper. My heart aches for you Jen. I wish I could hug you right now. Know that you don't have to be strong...I don't know what it means when people tell me that. Just be.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:13-16
Asking the Lord's angels to protect baby Kevin!
I Don't know if you have seen this site..."Living with Trisomy 13" it's quite beautiful...
http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org/index.htm
Oh Jen, my heart goes out to you, Rick and Tyler. I will pray for a miracle. Truly, Kevin is lucky to have a Mom like you. Hugs, Jen in Arizona
Prayers for all you, Jen, especially Baby Kevin.
Jen, Rick and Tyler and Baby Kevin,
You all have are complete support and prayer. Miracles do happen every day. God's will shall show you all the way and in the mean time just know you are all loved and thought of every day. Jen- I think you are being so strong through all of this and I am so proud of you for being such a wonderful Mom to Tyler and Kevin. I am here for you whenever you need a shoulder or anything to lean on. Keep us posted and God bless you all.
Love,
Mary and family
Jen,
My heart hurts so much for you and little Kevin! Words cannot express how sorry I am that you are having to go through this. No one should ever have to do what you are having to right now. Just know that you are in my thoughts a lot these days and I'm still praying for a miracle right along with everyone that is close to you! It CAN happen! Like you are already doing, just put your trust in the Lord and he will always take care of you. Let me know if there is anything that I can do for you!
Love, Amy
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