I think my attitude was a lot better two days ago. I hope you can understand what I am about to say, I need this to be over sooner as opposed to later. I'm not terminating the pregnancy or anything like that but I just need this to end. I had hoped that Kevin would go full-term and that I'd get to hold him. Of course my first choice is that God will perform a miracle; that has not changed and will not change.
I just cannot get away from this. How can I? He's living inside of me. I'm so tired and I have small cramping quite a bit (nothing strong enough to notify the doctor about). I'm so unmotivated. I have been so bad about cleaning and I'm leaning on Rick to the point that he is frustrated. He's been taking care of Tyler a lot. I've been bad about cleaning and doing laundry ever since I've been newly pregnant so it's not like this is a new thing. However, I think I understand why I've been so tired; my body has been trying to grow a baby that really shouldn't even be alive.(Most Trisomy 13 babies don't live past the 1st trimester.) I think my body has been working triple time, if that makes sense.
I really don't mean to have a pity party for myself. I'm just having a meltdown. A few people have commented on how well they think I've been handling all of this. Well, this is a time in which I'm not handling it well. How long will this go on? I think for the sake of me, Rick and Tyler it needs to end soon. Nonetheless, I continue to pray for my miracle for Kevin. :-)
8 years ago
1 comment:
I remember just wanting to scream at the top of my lungs, wanting to punch just about anything, wanting something (or someone) to hurt so my hurt would go away. There are certain pains that don't go away so easily and I am glad to see you expressing your pain. I am here for you and I will be here if you need someone to scream at or someone to punch. (just not in the face - ok?) Much love to you, Jen!
Post a Comment