Sooner than Later

I think my attitude was a lot better two days ago. I hope you can understand what I am about to say, I need this to be over sooner as opposed to later. I'm not terminating the pregnancy or anything like that but I just need this to end. I had hoped that Kevin would go full-term and that I'd get to hold him. Of course my first choice is that God will perform a miracle; that has not changed and will not change.

I just cannot get away from this. How can I? He's living inside of me. I'm so tired and I have small cramping quite a bit (nothing strong enough to notify the doctor about). I'm so unmotivated. I have been so bad about cleaning and I'm leaning on Rick to the point that he is frustrated. He's been taking care of Tyler a lot. I've been bad about cleaning and doing laundry ever since I've been newly pregnant so it's not like this is a new thing. However, I think I understand why I've been so tired; my body has been trying to grow a baby that really shouldn't even be alive.(Most Trisomy 13 babies don't live past the 1st trimester.) I think my body has been working triple time, if that makes sense.

I really don't mean to have a pity party for myself. I'm just having a meltdown. A few people have commented on how well they think I've been handling all of this. Well, this is a time in which I'm not handling it well. How long will this go on? I think for the sake of me, Rick and Tyler it needs to end soon. Nonetheless, I continue to pray for my miracle for Kevin. :-)