Monday, September 28, 2009

CVS Update

The past several weeks have been tough at the Burns' household. However, it looks like we may actually be having that second baby we've been hoping for! Granted, there are no guarantees but we've successfully gone over one major hurdle. The CVS results came back today and the baby I'm carrying has no trisomy issues. No Trisomy 13, 18 or 21. This is huge! And it's a boy! :-) I'll be 13 weeks pregnant tomorrow.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Week 12

I already updated my pregnancy status in FB but I'll elaborate a little more here. Let me just get this off my chest first....if I counted the hours I've spent waiting at the OB's office in 2009 with Kevin's pregnancy and this pregnancy I hate to see what they'd add up to. You're probably going to see me on the news on day with the title of the story "Woman goes Bonkers at Doctor's Office". Okay, that felt good to say. Anyway, a bit of panic set in when the tech was trying to find the heartbeat. She said, "It's still really early, sweetheart." I said, "We heard it at 10 weeks with Tyler." Tears were leaking down both sides of my face as I was lying there. She kept trying and we heard it. Yeah.

Dr. Phillips wants me to come back in 3 weeks provided the CVS doesn't yield any bad results. (The CVS results should be back within one week MAX, maybe a few days sooner.)At that visit, Rick will need to come to learn how to give me the progesterone shots like he had to with baby Kevin. Uggg, a shot in the butt cheek (pardon my familiarity) once a week until I give birth. That stuff is expensive, too. That's okay. If the CVS results are good, we'll finally tell our families that I'm pregnant. Just don't think it's right to tell them unless we have some good news. It's a catch 22 situation. Why hurt them if we don't have to? Although, it's entirely possible Rick's family knows in the even my SIL still reads my blog. Not sure. The wild thing is that we'll be able to tell them the sex! Can you imagine?! Trying not to get too excited.......

I will say that this whole pregnancy stuff has been hard on my marriage. The Kevin pregnancy was taxing for obvious reasons. This one has been hard because I basically go upstairs to rest or sleep the second Rick gets home from work most days. Rick also pretty much plays the role of 'single dad' on the weekends. Again, because I don't feel well or because I need time to catch up on all the things I am behind on from the week. So huge kudos to Rick.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Home is where the heart is

But where is that?

I would like to preface this post by stating that I have many blessings in my life and that blogging about my feeling helps me make more sense out of the world. I'm trying to figure some things out. So bear with my as I lay some things out on the table.

I don't know where my family is supposed to live, where we're supposed to establish deep and long lasting roots. I pray about it frequently. This all started when I was 9 years old when my mom and I left Ohio to move to Arizona. Perhaps I should give you a little background.

I was born in Ohio and grew up as an only child to a young, divorced mom. I didn't have any contact with my dad (a story for another time) but I spent lots of enjoyable time with my extensive family on my mom's side. Everything was good in my little world.

My mom had a boyfriend for a few years who ended up moving to Arizona. Mom visited him, came back to Ohio and announced that we'd be moving to Arizona. As a 9 year old, this 100% turned my life upside down. That marriage didn't work out and we moved back to Ohio within a year. I was happy but could tell my mom wasn't as this was the recession of the early 1980's. Mom couldn't find a job and we were actually on food stamps and unemployment funds! It didn't affect me much but I'm sure it was horrible for my mom.

One place in the United States that was booming was Arizona. Mom knew she could get a job there. I stayed with my Grandma while mom moved to Phoenix to find work, get an apartment, and save money to fly me to Phoenix. I was not happy about this. But in hindsight it must have been a lot harder for my mom than me.

Over the years I became more and more comfortable with Phoenix. Holidays usually sucked because it was just me and my mom, no one else, unless we went a friend's house. Once I became an adult and moved out there were plenty of holidays in which even my mom and I were not together because we were not on speaking terms (again, a story for another time). I adopted my first fiancee's (there have been three of them: Rich, Jeff and Rick) family as my own and had everything I needed. I was totally at home in Phoenix.

When I was 25, I met fiancee' #2 and I moved to Northern California with him so he could become a winemaker (he still is to this day). I also worked for a winery and actually became rather knowledgable about wine and how it's make. Yes, I was MISERABLE despite the fact that is was BEAUTIFUL there. I think that Napa looks a lot like Switzerland. I missed Phoenix so much that it put a huge wedge between us. We broke up and I moved back. Ahhh, home to Phoenix. I was happy. I established myself as a single woman with a pretty good job and I bought my first house. Totally at home now.

I met Rick in 1998 when we both worked at Charles Schwab. While we were in the middle of getting a relationship started he transferred to Southern California. That was his dream, to move there. I soon followed as I was able to transfer, too. I rented out my house in Phoenix. Again, however, I was miserable and wanted to move back to Arizona! At the time it seemed like a good decision because Rick and I were trying to buy a house in So Cal and we were disenchanted by how expensive homes were! "Hey Rick, I already have a house in Phoenix!"

He changed companies and got a better job. I was able to transfer back with Schwab. Sure, we missed living 8 miles from the ocean and the cool weather but we would have also been poor! Sure, Phoenix has it's shortcomings but I was happy to be back home.

In 2005 when I was pregnant with Tyler we decided that we ought to get a bigger house. By then, housing prices were totally on the rise in Phoenix. What to do? Rick suggested we check out Charlotte because he could transfer with his company. Hmmm, interesting, I'll try that. We visited when I was seven months pregnant and both decided that it was nice but that we should stay in Phoenix. We didn't want to move our baby away from my mom. She had waited an awfully long time to become a grandma. :-)I also didn't want to leave my friends who were like family to me.

My poor mom was only a grandma for a few months because she passed away when Ty was 11 weeks old. (You know the drill, a story for another time) For a variety of reasons we ended up moving to Charlotte exactly a year later. I think I adjusted pretty well at first, actually.

I've had mixed experiences living here. I suppose that's the case no matter where you live. But I feel like no one here actually knows me. They know me as Tyler's mom. My friends in Phoenix know me as 'Jenny' who used to drive a 1971 Volkswagen Beetle.

But I'm not going to just look at Phoenix through rose-colored glasses. It's not perfect. It's hot as hell there for about 7 months out of the year. I didn't see my beloved friends nearly as much as I would have liked (they got busy and I got busy). Phoenix is a concrete jungle. Sure, the desert is beautiful but Phoenix itself, not so much. But is it still home, especially since my mom died, I don't know?

Even if I were hell bent on going back to Phoenix, it's not my decision. It's a decision Rick and I need to make together. And Rick will yell ya, he didn't like Phoenix much at all. You know what is ironic in this whole thing? One of the main reasons we moved here was so that we could be closer to family: Rick's in New York and mine in Ohio. Fat lot of good that's done! (A story for another time) I remember when we were thinking about moving to Charlotte I was talking to my best friend Kris. I said, "If we're going to move away from Arizona, we ought to move to Ohio or New York....not a totally new place." But that's exactly what we did.

The big question remains, even if we do move back would I feel at home in Phoenix? Rick probably would have more job opportunities with his company there as the Charlotte office is a lot smaller than in Scottsdale. What if Rick resents me if we go back? Who says we'll even be able to sell our house here without losing money? What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I just feel 'at home' where ever I live? Why can't I be like Bodhi in that movie Point Break and go where the best waves are and still feel 'at home'?

Well, reader, I'm sure that's more info about me than you ever hoped to get! If you're even still's a long post! But it felt good to write about it. :-)

Friday, September 18, 2009

Do I or Don't I?

I think I'm going to have to give in and get the flu shots (Swine and regular). Different people have different experiences with flu shots and the two times in my life I've had them I got the flu the next day. Logic told me that it didn't make sense to get the shots anymore for two reasons: the shots are preventative against something I might get yet getting the shots make me sick. Tyler also got the flu the day after getting the shot one year. Plus, I'm just not a fan of getting shots unless I have to. I don't like putting stuff into my body like that.

I didn't buy into the frenzy of the Swine flu. But alas, pregnant women are highly advised to get that shot plus the regular shot. I feel like I'm darned if I do, darned if I don't.

We had a flu scare with Tyler yesterday that I posted on Facebook. I called the nurse at Dr. Smoak's office and they didn't want him to come in (they want as many children to stay home as possible unless it's really necessary for them to come in) until I happened to mention I'm pregnant. He had to go in for a mucus test to see if he has strep or the flu. He doesn't, thank goodness.

The poor kid had a fever of 103.6! Because of all that I'm more inclined to get the shots. I don't have a PCP so I don't know where I'd get a Swine flu shot. I know I can get a regular flu shot at Walgreens. Guess I better call the OB. Perhaps they offer the Swine shot?

Update: Called OB's office and I can get the shot there. Will get it next week and my appointment.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

CVS Today

This posting is kind of graphic but for humor purposes only. If that makes sense...

I can sum up today's CVS test with the following statement, "Just how many things can you put into my vagina? It's not a suitcase that you can stuff a bunch of clothes into."

No, I didn't say that to the doctor but I was thinking it. Probably everyone who reads this post has given birth. We're used to things coming out of us, babies, in particular. But in this case I felt like a turkey being stuffed with dressing 'down there'. Oh reader, I wish I could tell you more but out of fear of grossing you out, I'll stop. Rick watched the whole thing on the ultrasound screen but I took the easier route and got visually acquainted with the speckle pattern on the ceiling.

The doctor said he got a really good sample (which is from the placenta) and wouldn't have to repeat the procedure which they have to do sometimes. Thanks goodness for that. The sample will grow and then they'll test it. We'll get the results in 10-14 days. We'll also find out the sex although as long as it's healthy it can be a purple panda for all I care.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Opposite Experience

Thanks for the feedback I received about yesterday's post. I decided a few things:
1. I need to tell his preschool that Tyler has (had) some developmental delays and will they please cut him some slack with this issue?
2. Rick and I feel that Tyler needs to be encouraged to sit down to urinate so that he's not confused when it's time to poo-poo. If we're having problems getting to poo-poo in the potty then why the heck are we going to have him stand to urinate?
3. The worse thing that can happen is that they tell us Tyler can't go to school there until he can potty the way they want him to. It wouldn't be the end of the world.

I took him to the CMS preschool today. As a sidebar, some of you may not know this but Tyler goes to the church preschool T,W,TH and the CMS preschool (public school system) on M, F. His developmental disabilities are not severe so he only goes twice a week to CMS. Rick and I felt that it would help Tyler to enroll him in a traditional preschool for the other days of the week. Anyway, when we arrived at school today I explained that he's in the process of potty training and I started to over-explain myself ( a thing I do often out of being insecure). His teacher, Dr. Moore, said, "We're happy he's potty training and we'll do whatever we can to help him. We've had plenty of students have poo-poo accidents and we just clean them up."

I think I may have had tears in my eyes (remember, I'm pregnant) and said, "Thank you so much. You just don't know what that means to me." There is an assistant teacher but she was ill today. There was a nice male substitute teacher and he said, "I used to run a daycare and I've had to change plenty of poopy pants. It really is okay, We'll help in any way we can." I left and a large weight was lifted from my shoulders. I wasn't in fear of Tyler having a poo-poo mess. It's nice not to be in fear.

I'm going to leave in a few minutes to pick Tyler up and I'm going to talk to the principal to let her know what a sweet, kind, and understanding response I received from Dr. Moore and the substitute teacher.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Need to Stand?

I got the dreaded call about a half hour before preschool was finished today, "Tyler messed in his pants." I went right down there to clean him up and change him. He had a pee-pee accident yesterday but they just changed him themselves, which is something I appreciate. Today was poo-poo. All of the other kiddos were outside playing so it was just Tyler and his teacher in the classroom. I took one look at her and got teary eyed. She said, "Why are you upset?" I said, "I'm pregnant and I cry about everything." Nice, Jen, nice. Could I be anymore of a baby?

I took Tyler into the restroom and kindly but assertively said, "Tyler, you need to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty." I cleaned him up and went back to the classroom. I said that I'd just take him home since the school day was almost over anyway. This is when my feelings started to get hurt.

His teacher told me that I needed to do this, that and the other. I felt like saying, "Duh, like I don't know that." But I remembered she doesn't know what I know or don't know. Then she said that Tyler needs to pee standing up. What? I was thinking, "Lady, I'm just glad he is going potty. We'll work on the standing up part later." I guess I need to learn exactly what their expectations are because if he has to be able to stand up and go potty totally unassisted, I don't think we'll be able to do that right away.

This is where I need and welcome your feedback. Is is reasonable for someone who is new to potty training to be able to stand up to pee? What's wrong with helping him sit down in such a way that the pee goes into the potty and not all over the place? I know that there are rules they have to follow regarding touching the children but I'm just asking them to help him sit down back enough to help the aim. They don't need to touch his penis or anything. Am I totally off base? Is it reasonable to expect a 3 or 4 year old to hold his penis while standing up to go pee-pee? Won't the pee go all over the place? I know he'll have to learn at some point but now?

Why am I upset about this?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Potty, Preschool, and Pregnancy

Here are a couple of quick updates:
Met with Tyler's teachers at his T,W,Th preschool at Central Steele Creek Presbyterian Church. They were so nice. Danelle, a former MOMS Club member's son Jacob, is in his class. :-) I told his teachers the status of potty training, that he isn't fully trained. He is pretty good about going in the potty but he's not at the point he probably ought to be. I was kind of afraid of what they might say but figured it would be prudent to be upfront. They were so kind and supportive.
I was surprised because I've heard at some preschools kids will get kicked out of they have more that a few accidents once they are 3 or 4 years old. Tyler is having a hard time with #2 in the potty but is pretty darn good with #1. I think this is probably normal but honestly I will feel badly for his teachers if they are having to clean up his #2 messes. I told them they can call me and I'll come down and do it. Seriously, I will. Rick will probably chuckle when he reads this because he's the one who has been cleaning the messy underpants. I just can't with being pregnant....I gag and gag.
Speaking of being pregnant, I'm at week 10 now. We still have not told our families yet. We're going to wait and see what the results of the CVS are first. Although if my SIL still reads my blog, the cat is probably out of the bag like it was last time. No one's said anything to us to indicate they know. I was hoping that the CVS results would come within about 3 days, like the amneo with Kevin did, but it will take 10-14 days. I'm surprised by that but what to do....

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

CVS Update

My CVS test is on Sept. 15th at the Women's Institute in Ballantyne. This is where I went for my genetic counseling and amneo when I was pregnant with baby Kevin. I've been reading up on CVS and I can't say I understand it 100%. I'm sure if I were Amber, I'd be able to explain it really well. :-) I try to read a lot about it but then I have to stop myself because I get a little upset. It brings back memories of the day I had the level II ultrasound and amneo. Not a good experience just because of the emotional aspect and what I found out. The physical aspect of the amneo was actually easy.

This CVS is different because we don't know that there is anything wrong. It's strictly an informational process at this point where as with the amneo I knew before even going to the appointment that something was wrong. Although CVS will confirm some things within a week of having it done. The main thing CVS confirms or rules out (with a margin of a percentage point) the three trisomys: 13 (what Kevin had), 18, and 21 (Down's Syndrome).

One of the reasons I resigned as MOMS Club President is because I'm experiencing some grief of losing Kevin while I'm pregnant with my new baby. It's almost as if I feel like I'm disrespecting Kevin by getting pregnant so quickly after he passed away. But since time is not on my side by being 37 years old I had to power through to try to get pregnant quickly. The grief is coming out in some ways that are not conducive to leading a Club. I understand if you don't understand. I barely understand myself.

If you don't mind my asking, will you say a prayer that the CVS test goes well and that the results are favorable? Thanks.