This Time Last Week

It's almost exactly a week ago to the hour that we found out there was no heart beat. Each day since we've been back home from the hospital seems to be getting a tiny bit better. As you can imagine, there are many different emotions I experience in one day. I get mad, sad, glad for what I already have, grateful, emotionally tired, lonely, overwhelmed (in a good way) by all of the support we've been receiving, and emptiness. I have all of those feeling several times a day. I have many crying spells but I'm not crying with such awful heart ache like I was those first few days and in the hospital.

On Saturday I had feelings of dread as I thought of Rick going back to work today. He had been off last Monday afternoon (when I called him at the OB's office) through the rest of the week. So far the day has gone pretty well. Ty and I went to Karen's and then Nicola brought Thai food for lunch over as a surprise. Sara N. is coming over later to learn the "ins" and "outs" of evites. Then Rick will be home at 6pm. Ty is actually napping and I think I'm going to fall asleep to Law and Order on TV.

I have learned an extensive amount about myself over the past six or seven weeks. When I can put it into cohesive sentences I would love to share it with you.

My heart is still aching for Rick because I just don't know how he's really doing. I'm an open book so I'm easy to figure out. Rick is more of a closed book. I'm worried about him.