Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Back from Hospital

We are back from the hospital. Gone a bit shy of 24 hours. I delivered baby Kevin at about 2:30pm. The labor hurt quite badly, more than Tyler's labor, and I didn't have any pain medication with Tyler. I had some kind of narcotic through my IV to help with the pain of Kevin's labor but interestingly enough it didn't help with the pain; it just made me sleepy.

He was a tiny baby, at zero pounds 13 ounces and 10 inches.

My wish was to hold him, touch his skin, and look at him. I will try to phrase this as respectfully as possible....I did not look at him or touch his skin. I held him completely covered up in a blanket. Kevin was not really viewable. Rick saw Kevin as he was being born and I could tell from the look on Rick's face that something was terribly wrong with the baby's appearance. Later we discussed it and Rick told me that for my own sake it may not be advisable for me to view Kevin.

I held Kevin and caressed the blanket he was wrapped up in. Rick and I prayed over him and I read a few psalms. This was a horribly difficult day but I can also say that it was a beautiful day. I got to spend time with my baby. Mommy loves you, little Kevin Joshua Burns.

Kevin, you never truly belonged to me. You belong to God. God let me keep you for a little while and you have returned to Him. This shall not go on forever for I'll join God, too, and will reside also with you.

9 comments:

megan said...

Jen, I'm crying for you. I wish I could have been there with you today, although I know it was a family time for you and Rick. I've been thinking about you and praying for you all day. I'm so, so sorry.

Amy said...

Get some rest hun! Big Big hugs!!!

Amy J said...

Tons of thoughts coming your way today, Jen. ((big hug))

Amber Greenawalt said...

God bless you baby Kevin. Jen, my heart aches for you and your family. I wish words alone could erase the pain of your loss. Praying you through these impossible days and sending you so much love!

Amber

melissa said...

As a mother I ache for you and your baby. As a friend I ache to hug you. I commend your strength and courage for all you have been through on this journey. You have a very special place in all our mommy hearts..as you have fought the toughest of battles. Melissa C

~sheri~ said...

I am soo sorry you had to deal with all that physical pain too. That sucks! Please, please make an appointment with your therapist. Remember your hormones are going to be all over the place with this and that is enough to deal with, let alone all the emotional stuff you are having to deal with. Love ya, still keeping you all in prayer.

Robert, Jennifer and Peyton said...

Jen, I just don't know what to say, sweetheart. Wish I was there to help out some way. I am crying for you and praying for you, and Rick, Tyler and Baby Kevin in Heaven. Lots of love, hugs, and prayers, Jen.

Anonymous said...

Jen..My thoughts to you, Rick, Tyler and baby Kevin. Your words about him were beautiful. Love from Arizona

Kris said...

Jen, just know you, Rick & Tyler are in our prayers. I love you so much & I am in awe of your courage & strength!