Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Trying Not to Jump to Conclusions

A lot of the time I am able to talk myself out of being sad that we might not be able to have another child. It is just a strange feeling that I have, that Tyler will be an only child. I try to be positive about it and tell myself that it is so AWESOME that I was blessed to give birth to a child. Perhaps I have an extra speck of the miracle of a child being born because Tyler was so very ill all of those weeks in the NICU. We came close to losing him two or three times. Sometimes I feel selfish that I want another one; I should be happy with what I have. I am happy but I still want another one. I don't want him to be an only child. I'm an only child so Tyler will have so few family members. Rick only has one sibling so there are not a lot of family members on his side either. I didn't have anyone to grow up with, to relate to. As an adult, I still wish that I had a sibling or two or three to relate to, especially since my mom has passed on. Like I said, I can usually talk myself out of having a pity party but tonight I am sad. It is pretty late and I must be tired because I wouldn't normally put something so mushy on my blog. Tomorrow I will wake up and I will make myself be fine again. :-)

3 comments:

megan said...

I could have written this same post 4 years ago (before the twins). I'm praying for you and that you get that family you hope for :) And you're NOT being selfish to want another.

Unknown said...

me too jen. i've walked in your shoes... and i know how much it sucks!! the saddness can be overwhelming. call if you ever need an ear.

and remember god's perfect plan for you and trust in him. maybe if tyler never has a sibling, he might marry a woman that has 5 brothers!! you never know how things will work out.

Carainn said...

Jen,
It's a fine line we woman walk. I am so sorry you are sad. I felt this way for years till Arann arrive.
I will be praying for you.

lovr Carainn