See Ya, 2009

I'm behind on my posts. Still need to post photos from Halloween, Ty's birthday and Christmas. But I thought I'd write a small post for 2009.

2009 began with the promise of a sibling for Tyler. By February that promise was squashed like an ugly cockroach you smash with a tennis shoe. I can honestly say that I endured the most difficult period of my life, which lasted eight weeks. Every single hour of every day I felt an astonishing amount of emotional pain. I was basically waiting for my unborn baby to die. Truth be told, I was praying he would die sooner than later. I educated myself well about Trisomy 13 and I DID NOT want my baby boy to have to suffer like that being born full term. God took Kevin at 23 weeks gestation (we think) and I sadly, painfully gave birth to him at week 24. It was the same as any other birth in the sense of physical pain but my heart broke as I left the hospital without my Kevin.

Physically, I felt much better yet anger set in. I was not mad at anyone but I was just mad. Conversely, the support I received was more overwhelming than the sadness. After only three months I got pregnant again! I was cautious as cautious could be. I would not allow myself to become attached. Now it's December 31st, I'm in my 26th week and I am quite optimistic that this baby is going to work out. Tyler will have a baby brother and I'm going to get to leave the hospital with a baby! We like the names Corey and Ryan.

Yes, this has been a year of opposites. Death and life.

Potty vs. Party

Tyler has been in a party mode since he went to his friend's birthday party last Saturday. For about a week he kept asking for birthday cake and wanted to know if he was going to a party. This Saturday night we went to a Martini Christmas Party. The kiddos played upstairs while the adults were downstairs. Anyway, Tyler was excited that he was going to another party. Again, he keeps asking to go to parties. The first thing he said to me this morning was, "Mommy, we go to a party?" "Actually, we are going to a Cookie Decorating Party this morning." He said, "I'm ready to go."

I told he we needed to get ready first. A few moments later he said (or this is what I thought he said), "I go potty." I took his hand and said, "Okay, let's go potty." He got mad and said, "I go potty, I go potty!" "Yes, I know you have to go potty. Come on." But he didn't want to go potty; he wanted to go to a party. From my perspective it was cute. From his perspective it must have been frustrating. After all, a party is a heck of a lot more fun than a bathroom!

Bad Jen, Bad!

Were you guilty of the when you were pregnant with your second, third, or fourth child......picking up your kids? I try to avoid picking up Tyler as much as possible but sometimes I can't avoid it. I had to lift him into and out of the grocery cart just now at Harris Teeter. I also have to help him in and out of the SUV. (I probably should have kept my little Honda a few months longer.) I need to either not take him grocery shopping or have him walk along side the cart. I like to have him in the cart so he can't take off, which he's been known to do. It scares me.

I know I overdid it today with the lifting as I can feel it. I better stop because I don't want to send myself into premature labor. My friend Kat said she went into labor a few weeks early because she lifted up her son.

Full Circle

I'm at about 23 1/2 weeks gestation with my pregnancy. Thus far everything is going really well with the health of the baby. Right about at this same time gestational wise is when baby Kevin passed away and I delivered him at exactly week 24. It's an eerie feeling. Kevin would be five months old but here I am pregnant with another child and Kevin is already in Heaven. This whole experience is both sad but wonderful. It seems like just a few months ago that I gave birth to Kevin when it's actually been nine months!

This baby is ACTIVE. Tyler wasn't as active and I never felt Kevin move. I got some good 4D ultrasound views of him today and some pictures. Dr. Phillips took some sort of sample (like a swab sample) of my cervix. Holy cow, it hurt. Anyway, I'll get those results back next week. The test is to see if I'm leaking any amniotic fluid. If so, that will not be good. I suspect I'll wind up in the hospital if that's the case. However, I'm confident that the test will come back with good results. I also had a separate ultrasound of just my cervix and the tech said that it looked healthy. That ultrasound and the swab test are to help determine the likelihood of prematurity.

I feel like I've been pregnant for months and months and months too long....24 weeks with Kevin, then a three month break of not being pregnant and now this pregnancy. I'm not one of those women who love being pregnant. In fact, I dislike it to the point of almost hating it. This is not to say that I don't appreciate the fact that I am pregnant and have been able to get pregnant. It just takes a toll on my body in such a way that my life revolves around being tired and nauseous. The nausea has subsided for the most part but the being tired part has been in full swing since week six or seven. Women who have told me they love being pregnant I basically want to throw them across the room. hee hee

Tyler's Progress

I'm trying to figure what would be the best fit for Tyler next year. The two choices are Bright Beginnings through CMS or church preschool. Rick said I'm jumping the gun but I'm actually not when you consider you typically sign up for church preschool in January. As in most life situations there are pros and cons to each scenario. Your feedback is appreciated. This is how is I see it based on what I know thus far.

Bright Beginnings is for children with disabilities and/or from low incomes. It's an all-day pre-K. It's five days a week and is free. The idea is to prepare these children in such a way that they will be ready for Kindergarten. I just don't see Tyler as having any disabilities anymore. In fact, his teacher, Dr. Moore told me a few weeks ago that the only reason Tyler qualifies for BB is because of the fact that he's already in the 3 and 4 year old program. In other words, he's caught up a lot and has achieved most of what we've set out for him to achieve. That's good news.

Furthermore, when I met with Dr. Moore for Tyler's annual IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) last week she kept saying how well he's doing. A lot of the things she's not seeing Tyler do at school we're actually seeing him do at home. For example, one of the goals for his new IEP is for Tyler to be able to answer "wh" questions such as, "What is the cat doing?" or "Where are you going?" There were some other things that he's not doing at school that he'll do at home. So that leads me to believe that he can DO them but just doesn't sometimes. She also commented on how bright Tyler is.

His speech has improved considerably since the school year began. I'm more inclined to think that this is because of the socialization he's receiving at the church preschool. He's with mainstream kids there as opposed to with Dr. Moore he's with children with disabilities. Please understand that I do not mean that in an unkind way. It may help to state that Tyler goes to CMS twice a week for six hours each day and church preschool three days a week for four hours a day.

If we decide to put him in church preschool next year we'll need to find a different one. The only reason is that that their four year old program is only three days a week. I would want him in a four day program. As most of you know, it's hard to get into any preschool around here, especially the four year old programs.

Something I really like about church preschool are the God and Jesus teachings. He sure as heck won't get that at public school. Wherever his Bright Beginnings school would be, it certainly won't be close by. The CMS school he's at now is 12 miles away. Not a huge deal but that will be difficult next year taking him five days a week with a newborn. A bus is available but I'm not putting my four year old on a bus.

But what if he really DOES need Bright Beginnings and we jump the gun by not enrolling him in it? Do you see my quandary?

I think the best thing to do is to continue to pray about it and get my hands on the Bright Beginnings curriculum. Based on what I already know about it, Tyler has already mastered those skills. Heck, he's mastered a lot of Kindergarten curriculum. :-)

At least there are choices. I'm thankful for that. :-)