My Middle Name is 'Guilt'

I don't think I'd know what to do with myself if I didn't have something to feel guilty about. An appropriate amount of guilt is good but I have yet to find my own level of appropriateness. Most of the things I feel guilty about have to do with being a mom. Here are the main things:
1. Tyler is not potty trained yet and he will turn 3 1/2 in a couple of days. He totally understands what a toilet is but he just doesn't want anything to do with it.
2. Tyler uses a binky while he sleeps.
3 Tyler still sleeps in his crib. We are, however, waiting for his big boy bed to arrive in a few days. We bought the mattress and bedding over the weekend.
4. That I don't do everything I want to do for him each day. I constantly critique what kind of mother I'm being toward him.

I feel guilty everyday because my house is not as clean as it should be. The laundry is hardly ever caught up, either.

I feel guilty that I hung up on a salesman the other night. I was talking to him for about 10 minutes and was interested in setting up a meeting with him. But then I felt he got too pushy and I kind of told him off and then hung up. I should have handled that differently.

I feel guilty that I'm getting a discount on my cell phone bill that I shouldn't be getting. (But, no, I won't do anything about that. I may feel guilty but I'm no fool.)

I feel guilty that I don't read my Bible enough because I watch TV instead.

The all time number one thing I feel guilty about is my WEIGHT. I've felt guilty about my weight since I was a kid and I wasn't even heavy back then! I know how to lose weight. I know that it takes exercise and food portion control but I don't do it. It makes no sense why I don't change! There is a theory I learned about in college called Cognitive Dissonance Theory "The more mental discomfort one feels, the more likely that person will change." Well, I feel TONS of discomfort and I still don't do anything about it except to feel guilty. It's so stupid to torture myself like that. Either lose the weight and shut up or stay fat and shut up! Losing the weight is obviously the preferable choice.

I cannot believe I'm blogging about all of this but I have to tell you that it feels liberating! Most of you know how neurotic I am but for those of you who didn't....now you know.

Confessions of a Forger

My name is Jen Burns and I forge my child's reading log for school. But not for the reason one might think....but it is kind of funny....

I am a HUGE believer in reading to children. I started reading to Tyler when he was a newborn. I was trying to foster a love for books. Several months later he started to take the book out of my hands each time I'd try to read to him. He would babble 'read' the words and turn the pages. He wanted complete control of whatever book I tried to read.

That has been going on to this very day only now he can actually read a decent number of words. There have been some books in which he'll actually let me or Rick read to him but it's fairly rare. He has a daily reading log for school and we're supposed to write down all of the books we read to him.

The whole point of a reading log is to encourage parents to read to their kids each day and to be accountable for it. I try to read to him, honest. But what am I supposed to do when he doesn't let me? He just wants to 'read' to himself. I love to listen to him. His little voice is so darn cute.

So I forge his reading log because the reading log is a requirement. Don't worry, I won't be the parent who does his science projects or research papers for him.

One Month Ago Today

Today is the one month 'anniversary' in which I gave birth to baby Kevin. I can honestly say that I'm doing better than I would have expected. I think that I did a quite a bit of my grieving when I was pregnant with him. That was one of the most difficult periods of my life. It was about seven weeks.That may not seem like a long time but each moment of each day oozed sadness.

Of course, I still have times in which I get emotional all of a sudden. I have to be careful about what I watch on TV or read. I have been focusing on Tyler a lot and savoring each morsel of his personality (except when he screams or whines). That kid is so darn cute. School has helped his speaking immensely and he says new things each day.

Not dissuaded by Tyler's prematurity and 10 week NICU stay, three miscarriages, and Kevin's trisomy 13, I wholeheartedly want to try for another baby. Are you thinking I'm nuts? I did my homework and talked to the genetic counselor and I feel good about trying again. What does God have planned for me and my family, though? His plans may not coincide with my desire to have another baby. His plans will certainly override my own but I admit that I'm not keen on the idea of Tyler being an only child.

Our Little Speller

Rick got out his guitar to play Rock Band a little while ago. Tyler went over to it and sat down to look at it. "g-u-i-t-a-r" we heard him spell. Rick and I looked each other in surprise. I knew that the guitar did not have the word 'guitar' spelled on it but I looked to double check. Indeed, nothing near Tyler had that word on it.

He spells plenty of three or four letter words for us but 'guitar'? That was pretty cool! I've been working with him on sight words on his chalk board and so forth but we've never tackled guitar. I really need to get him on video because it's rather impressive. He can read about 30 words and can spell them also.

One of my favorite things to do when we go shopping is to spell things with him. A trip to ALDI, Wal-Mart, or Harris Teether can be fun. I get such a kick out of him.

For a kid who's in a free CMS preschool because he's "behind" is sure ahead in some areas!

Garage Hockey

Any kids that come over...Ty tries to get them to play hockey with him. It's so cute. Mason played hockey with him in the family room last week as did another little boy named Tyler M. I even played hockey with TyTy today. He kept looking at me as if to say,"What are you doing Mama? Daddy doesn't play that way!" Here are a few photos of Tyler playing hockey in our garage this morning with his buddy Will.

A Special Blog Entry for Baby Kevin

My friend Sue made this special bracelet for me.


This is Kevin's precious little urn. (It's a bit hard to see his name inscribed in this photo.)






This is the angel the nice folks at the hospital gave us.




Rick holding baby Kevin.


Jen holding baby Kevin.