The Politics of Parenting

I can honestly say that I felt prepared to have a baby before Tyler was born. Minus the fact that he was so ill for 10 week as a newborn, I thought that raising an infant was not all that difficult. I think it was because I was older (33 when he was born) and had matured over the years, I had examples of what a good mother is (especially my best friend Kris), Tyler was an 'easy' baby, and I prayed a lot. However, I had not experienced any of the politics of parenting with the exception of receiving tons of advice from a variety of people. Sometimes I received advice that was good and sometimes not. I was not afraid to say, "Thanks for sharing your experience but I don't think that will work for us."

Having a toddler has been political. Most parents that I have encountered have been caring, sincere, and have my (and Tyler's) best interests at heart if Tyler behaves in a negative fashion. Tyler's verbal skills are underdeveloped and he cannot express himself in an appropriate manner sometimes. He can bite, push or pinch. I was terribly worried about this at first. My friends helped to put my mind at ease. Some people said that his behavior was quite common and normal. I pray about this on a regular basis and I consult with a Behavioral Specialist, not because I think Tyler is a tyrant, but because I simply didn't know what is normal toddler behavior and what is not. (It's a free service comes along with Tyler's other services so I'd be ignorant not to take advantage of it.)

The politics of it all are this: some parents are laid back when Tyler mistreats their kids (I'm on top of the situation to correct it) that they tell me, "Why are you so worried? That is normal." On the other end of the spectrum there are parents who make a BIG deal out of it. They will say things to me that are hurtful and inappropriate. Nonetheless, what is normal behavior? It depends on who you ask.

The conclusion I came to is that Tyler does display normal toddler behavior almost all of the time. There are times in which he treats kids in a manner that is not appropriate and it is my job and my husband's job to show Tyler constructive ways to display his anger, frustration, and confusion. I truly think that the negative behaviors will lessen or disappear once his verbal skills are more proficient. Still, we work with him a lot. He does not have the right to hurt another child. Just like no child has the right to hurt him.

I don't think that the politics of parenting will go away. I think that the politics chance phases just as the phases of parenting change. The one advantage of having the aforementioned challenges is that I have become more humble and less judgemental. I am more understanding of different parenting styles. Some lessons we learn in life are free and some we pay a high price for. This has been a rather costly one but the lessons have been priceless.